I find myself not making entries because I’m against whining about my personal problems. It seems in bad taste. If I was some Live Journal whore I would probably have 3 or 4 entries a day. Anyways I have do have something on my mind right now and it deals with women and myself (a reoccuring theme in my life). But I won’t discuss it in this mode of anxiety I’m in right now. But I will give you background.
I’m a whore. Plain and simple. Once one reaches my levels you feel ashamed to even be with a girl. I’ve come to the conclusion that I act this way because I feel I’m in control of the situation and can’t be “hurt” (as women say) :keke.
Consequently I suck at maintaining relationships not based around sex. Society makes one feel that if they can’t accomplish this, then they are a fail. Why is this?
Ok I lied. I’m going to talk about this situation. I’ve been seeing this girl for a few weeks now while still rotating my regular “starters”. I actually like this new girl and the feeling seems mutual. Despite my experience in being able to get in girls pants, I feel amateurish when deciding my next move on this girl.
I hate having to constant have someone on my mind, and I feel as though I spend a large amount of time questioning my every move on her. Will she call back? Is she mad at me? What is she thinking!? These thoughts have flooded my mind recently.
We had sex for the first time this past weekend. It took 4 weeks, the longest I’ve waited on a girl. Now it seems things are supposed to change. Yet I’m still playing this mind games with her. Waiting days to call, or cancelling plans.
Fortunately good ol’ programming gets my mind off of such debauchery. Once again strictly off the top. Peace!